Living
by Asanisan
Summary: He didn't know why he was alive. Oh,yeah. He rembered now. It was for her.


**Living**

He didn't know why he was alive.

There was no point in living.

His entire life consisted of pointless mission after pointless mission. There was no end to them and no happiness to be found in them. So much blood. He had no purpose or direction in life. He had forgotten what it meant to live.

He sat in his easy chair finding no comfort and staring blankly at the ceiling. He was bleeding, but he didn't care. Maybe if he was lucky, he would bleed to death. Then he wouldn't have to feel this utter despair anymore. Why was he alive anyway?

Then, his reason for living walked through the door.

'_Oh, yeah. I remember now. I live for **her**.'_

She would cry if he died. He knew this in the very depths of his soul. And he swore a long time ago that he would kill anyone who ever made her cry, himself included. His sweet angel with pink hair and burning green eyes. But she wasn't his. No matter how much he wanted her to be. His entire purpose in life was to be with her and he wasn't allowed that honor.

He didn't want to bring Sasuke back, as horrible and selfish as that was. He couldn't help it. Because he knew that when the traitor came back, she would take him in her arms and never have time for him again. It would kill him.

"Kaka-sempai," she called to him and he turned his glazed eyes on her. She was standing in front of him with her medical kit. She was probably here because Tsunade had sent her and for no other reason. But that was the way it should be. That was the way the world worked.

"Kaka-sempai, you are such an idiot," she said in worried tones and began healing his wounds and rubbing disinfectant. "Why didn't you come to the hospital? Take your shirt off moron!"

She was only trying to get at his wounds. He shouldn't get his hopes up. He did as he was told.

She gasped when she saw the new wounds and flew into healing. He didn't move a muscle. He just watched her. Her brow was furrowed and her mouth set in a grim line as she concentrated on her job, but she still looked beautiful.

He didn't know when he started feeling this way for his ex-student, this woman fourteen years his junior. He imagined he had always felt this way about her. He only started to realize it as they spent less and less time together and the ache in his heart grew more and more. She stopped being his student years ago. And he wanted her back. He couldn't be with her the way he wanted, so why not the next best thing? But that would never happen. He had nothing to teach her but the sorrows of this world and that was something he would protect her from always.

She finished healing him, but she didn't leave. She stood there, in between his legs, holding her medic kit like a shy little school girl, which she was not. He looked into her eyes and almost drowned in her worry for him.

"Why do you do this to yourself, Kakashi?" Her voice reflected how hurt she was. He had hurt her with his carelessness. "Why do you let it get so bad? Do you want to die? I couldn't bear it if you died!"

She blushed for her audacity and looked to the side, avoiding his eyes. She probably hadn't meant to say that, but it had probably been eating away at her all this time.

The light from the window played softly on her face and hair. She looked like a goddess and he wanted to bow at her feet in unworthiness. Her lips were tempting him. He couldn't look away. His entire world would hinge on this moment. He couldn't help it anymore.

He pulled down his mask and grabbed her wrists and pulled her to him. He pressed his lips on hers and he was in heaven. He heard her medical kit drop to the floor, but he stayed where he was. Just a moment longer. Just a moment longer and then he would look upon her rejection. Then he would make sure that the next kunai thrown his way would find its way to his heart.

He memorized the texture of her perfect lips and then pulled away. He looked into her eyes, ready to read his death sentence in her disgust. Finally, he could bring it all to an end.

What he found instead shocked him. Her eyes were dancing with an inner flame and she had a goofy smile on her face. She smiled down at him as if she were the sun itself and he the earth, ready to burst with life from her warm rays.

"What took you so long?" she asked indignantly.

He didn't know what to say. His world was turned upside down. How could she return his feelings? With all the blood on his hands, with all his guilt and self-loathing, with all his despair at life, how could she want him back? But she did. It was plain on her face. He wanted to cry. Instead, he kissed her again and he was thrilled when she responded in kind.

"Never leave me," he begged when they broke away.

"Kakashi, I was always here," she said. He realized with a start that it was true. She had always been there for him whenever he asked and even when he hadn't. How could he have missed it? "My life begins and ends with you."

Her words drove him over the edge and he pulled her into his lap. He kissed her feverishly and passionately and whatever other way he could think of to please her.

"And my life has always been yours, Sakura," he said in between kisses.

She giggled into his mouth. "So you'll start living with me?" she asked.

He felt so alive with her in his arms, shining her warmth down on him.

"I think I've already started."


End file.
